"Made to be Broken"
He didn't remember the walk from the front door to the kitchen, only that he was suddenly seated at the table. Was he dreaming? Had he really come here...spoken the words that could never be taken back?
I'm gay. How could two such tiny words wield the power to destroy a man? Bring his whole world crashing down around him? This is a good thing. Admitting you're a sinner is the first step to redemption.
So why didn't it feel like a good thing? Shouldn't he feel relieved that now, finally, he could get help? That he had someone to help him through this? Why did everything feel wrong?
The polished wood table was cool beneath his palms as his hands lay limp, flat against the surface. A blank stare lingered in his eyes, his head hung down. His face felt numb beneath the warm tears dripping down. Why had he come here? What would happen when Rebecca and her mom came home?
Noble's head began to shake slowly. “I – I shouldn't have come here.” he whispered, his throat closing. His palms pressed against the cool table top as he started to push himself to his feet. “I...I need to go.”
“No.” Mason grabbed his arm, gently but with enough firmness to draw him back into his chair. “No, Noble. You need to be right here, son. With people who love you.”
His head shook more as new tears ran free. “They won't...love me...once they know.”
“They will.” Mason assured. When Noble lifted his eyes and met the man's gaze, there were things behind his eyes that Noble didn't know how to interpret. An understanding that hadn't been present before. But just what did he understand now? Had he put the pieces together and somehow figured out that there was more to his and Jonah's relationship than met the eye?
There's no relationship. There's no...nothing. Jonah is gone and he isn't coming back. And the sooner you realize that that's a good thing, the better off you'll be.
Noble's head lowered again and his hands raised up slowly and covered his face, a rush of sobs pushing through him. Mason touched his shoulder, assuring him Rebecca and Colleen would still love him. Let him think you're crying about them. Don't let him know the truth. No one needs to know.
When a car pulled up out front, Noble stiffened, his heart catching, sticking, then racing wildly. A sudden nausea welled up so fast he barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting up what little he had in his stomach. His hand reached back blindly as he hovered over the toilet, and shut the door.
God, I don't want to do this...I can't...please make it rewind...I don't want them to know...I don't want anyone to know...
His arm curled around his pinching gut and he began to dry heave until it felt his stomach had turned inside out, and a blinding pain stabbed the center of his brain.
Just let me die...what does it matter...no one will want me now.
He sank lower, his forehead pressing against the toilet seat, eyes clamped tight as hot tears pushed through, streaking his flushed face.
Jonah don't even want me anymore.
Why did that truth hurt so much more than all the rest?